LASER CATS

Probably funny.

I'd embed the video into this blog, but I could only find it on MySpace. Funny how NBC Universal will put it up on MySpace, a website owned by News Corp, which owns one of NBC's biggest rival network stations, but they flip when their material is posted up on YouTube. This is the kind of world we live in.


"Laser Cats" is a sketch from Saturday Night Live that aired a year ago, possibly more. It features Bill Hader and Andy Freakin' Samberg. If you don't recognize those two names, don't worry, I haven't watched SNL in ten years either.

Andy Samberg is that guy who deliberately does things that are unfunny for the sake of comedy, because he is incapable of writing actual jokes. "Laser Cats" is a good example of this. It's about Hader And Samberg pitching a bad sketch about cats that shoot lasers out of their faces to Lorne Michaels, who apathetically shoots down their ideas even though Michaels would find it hilarious if this weren't a sketch and actually real life.

The biggest laughs came from a Hader pressing his sash-strap thing and making beeping noises and from an awkward pause followed by a "what?", although that might have been me and not in the actual script. The biggest problem with SNL is how they now completely rely on dorky white people for their comedy, when fifteen years ago it was just Norm Macdonald, and Samberg makes Macdonald look like a linebacker.

Despite my gripes I still give it a three, because unexpected and wacky things are funny and I was really building up to this hilarious punchline.

A BEAUTIFUL SMILE

To the girl who rang me up at Barnes & Nobles today:

I'm dedicating my first ever Midnight Review to your wonderful smile. I wish I had the chance to take a picture of how perfect your face was, but I decided at the very last moment that that would have seemed creepy. So here's a dramatization and, although it is a nice smile, it is not nearly as bright and pleasant as yours.

I'm telling you, reader, the road to heaven is paved with this girl's teeth. That actually sounds frightening, on second thought. But imagine it is a very sweet compliment.

You rubbed the cover of my copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula for a few seconds before informing me that it is your favorite book of all time. I smiled and agreed that it is a wonderful book, even though I've never read it in full, and don't even really enjoy it that much. I don't know why I did that. It's not like I had a chance with you.

Before you handed me my bag, you were smiling so hard I started getting a headache. Speechless I stood, bleeding out of my ears. I have seen many picture-perfect mouths in my day, but none quite as shining as what I witnessed today. I give this smile a perfect score. It is pace-setting.