FUN THEY HAD 2K8: A YEAR IN REVIEW PART 1
BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY: PROBABLY BAD
Jay McInerney's 1984 airport epic told entirely in the second person is a scathing criticism of yuppie culture, following the antics of yourself, a dude working on "the magazine" with an outrageous nightlife, intent on oblivion. It's probably bad, but it's too great to not recommend since it's a fairly simple read and somewhat iconic. Its self-depricating narrative progressively gets worse as a once-hopeful youth slowly comes to terms with his monotonous lifestyle and hopeless endeavors, and it left me a bit empty inside. It was like looking into a future mirror!
2008 MOVIE "JUMPER"
SUCKED. Sucked. Hard. Some lame story about an angsty teenager who can teleport. Nice job. I only wished I could have jumped out of that horrible movie.
2008 MOVIE "CLOVERFIELD"
Another retarded movie about a giant monster that destroys New York City. Probably great in concept, however much of the film follows a bunch of twnety-somethings intent on saving some chick one of the dudes boned.
THIS QUOTE FROM MY INTERVIEW TECHNIQUES CLASS THAT SUMS UP MY COLLEGE EXPERIENCE QUITE WELL
"Don't try to be too intellectual when asking questions. Yes, this is college, but it's also a journalism class."
2008 MOVIE "PERSEPOLIS"
A finally great French animated film based on a graphic novel by the same name. Nothing particularly moving about the story, although it was interesting enough the whole way through because the art was strangely alluring.
2008 MOVIE "RAMBO"
Excellent. Just the bomb. Great action, lots of explosions and heightening. Sylvester Stallone is the worst actor ever.
JOSIP NOVAKOVICH, CROATION WRITER ON LINGUISTICS
"English words to me are goat turds... despite the stink, I sniff in them the freedom to be away from Croatia and Yugoslavia."
FIRST BATCH OF NEW GAMES: THE SUCKS AND THE NOT SUCKS
StarFox Command: The sucks.
Sega Bass Fishing: The not sucks ironically.
House of the Dead 2 + 3 Returns: The not sucks unironically.
Kirby Squeak Squad: The not sucks
Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games DS: The sucks.
Super Smash Brothers Brawl: The sucks ironically.
Octomania: The greatest game.
NO MORE HEROES FOR THE WII: THE SECOND GREATEST GAME
An excellent action game by Suda 51, the only man who knows how to make them right anymore. In an artsy world inspired by Alejandro Jodorowski's El Topo, NMH follows Travis Touchdown, a kid who orders a light sword in the mail and decides to kill a bunch of dudes in order to be the top assassin. To quote Dave, Suda 51 games aren't great games, but they are awesome games.
2008 MOVIE "STREET KINGS"
Keanu Reeves's idiocy is suffuciently blithering.
2008 MOVIE "DOOMSDAY"
The doomiest thing about this film is that I actually sat there and watched on as the greatest genre of all time, dystopian post-apocalypse, is shattered in a string of Audi commercials. Fuck you, whoever directed this.
2008 MOVIE "SUPERHERO MOVIE"
Actually got one laugh out of me. Exactly one.
2008 MOVIE "IRON MAN"
Watch for an hour as Tony Stark builds a super robot suit and then has it destroyed in an anti-climactic scene, and then spend another hour as he does the same exact thing. But it's the best movie ever, am I right?
SECOND BATCH OF NEW GAMES: THE BLARGH AND THE NOT BLARGH
Mario Kart Wii: The blargh.
Boom Blox: The multiplayer not blargh.
Zack & Wiki: The anime not blargh.
Soulcalibur Legends: The super blargh.
Dragon Blade Wrath of Fire: The tears-of-blood blargh.
Samba De Amigo: The not blargh ironically.
Wii Music: The not blargh unironically.
Sonic Unleashed: The greatest game.
2008 MOVIE "SPEED RACER"
Eye candy with a feel good ending and a cartoony presentation. At times pays nice homage to the original anime, other times it pinches a loaf on it, but it's all forgivable. Probably my favorite movie I saw in theaters this year. How sad.
2008 MOVIE "SON OF RAMBO"
I don't remember this film much, but I wrote "cute" next to the ticket so I'm assuming I liked it.
2008 MOVIE "Indiana Jones and th whatever the fuck this movie is called"
Aliens controlled everything and there's a shitty UFO sequence at the end of the film, it was like a punchline to a cruel joke.
2008 MOVIE "THE HAPPENING"
It happened to suck.
2007 MOVIE "LIKE A DRAGON"
A movie based on the unpopular Yakuza games, directed by Takashi Miike. And it really ruled. Really.
THE UNTIMELY DEATH OF THE BEAUTIFUL TRUCK
An unfortunate accident spelled the end of the reign of the Beautiful Truck, the only woman I've ever loved. The five-speed 1990 Ford Ranger will truly be missed. It has been replaced by SUV the Suburban Ussault Vehicle, which isn't nearly as cool, but at least it has a few features the Beautiful Truck didn't. For instance, I can roll the windows up and down, I have heat, I have a CD player, I can tell how much gas is left in the tank, the emergency brake works, the speaker system works, and it generally isn't a huge pile of metal crap on wheels.
2008 MOVIE "WALL-E"
It was good, I guess.
2008 MOVIE "WANTED"
"Action cheese, but I liked it." That's what I wrote. Looking back, it probably sucked, I don't know. I don't even remember what it was about. Didn't they curve bullets or something? Did I really go to see this?
2008 MOVIE "DEATH RACE"
Paul W.S. Anderson's disasterous remake of the god-damn-incredible movie from the 70's, which starred Stallone when he was still unironically good.
1975 MOVIE "DEATH RACE 2000"
Please just watch this instead, I'm serious.
THIRD BATCH OF NEW GAMES: THE WHARF AND THE NOT WHARF
Sega Superstars Tennis Wii: Not wharf.
Sega Superstars Tennis DS: Not wharf.
Space Invaders Extreme: Not wharf.
Arkanoid DS: Not wharf.
Pokemon Pearl: ???
Bangai-O Spirits: Not wharf.
Kirby Super Star Ultra: Not wharf.
Sonic Chronicles: Not wharf.
Legend of Kage 2: Not wharf.
Exit DS: The greatest game.
CHRONO TRIGGER FOR THE DS: THE SECOND GREATEST GAME
A remake of the SNES classic RPG by Squaresoft, right before they started being terrible. It furthered that crazy half-real-time-but-not-really fighting system that stays consistently fun. And it predates the angsty animeness of their future games. It was honestly made right when they games started being good and right before their games started being terrible. The DS port is good enough.
In hindsight, this isn't even the tip of the iceberg. So, I'm relabeling this "part 1" and I promise a "part 2" forthcoming, although I anticipate this to go up to "part 20" at this rate. In the next installment I'll talk about the other movies I saw this year that didn't suck (most of which didn't come out this year), more of the books I've read, and further on the list of games and random pop culture things from my book. Maybe I'll even make a list! Who knew so many stupid things could happen in just one year!
Jay McInerney's 1984 airport epic told entirely in the second person is a scathing criticism of yuppie culture, following the antics of yourself, a dude working on "the magazine" with an outrageous nightlife, intent on oblivion. It's probably bad, but it's too great to not recommend since it's a fairly simple read and somewhat iconic. Its self-depricating narrative progressively gets worse as a once-hopeful youth slowly comes to terms with his monotonous lifestyle and hopeless endeavors, and it left me a bit empty inside. It was like looking into a future mirror!
2008 MOVIE "JUMPER"
SUCKED. Sucked. Hard. Some lame story about an angsty teenager who can teleport. Nice job. I only wished I could have jumped out of that horrible movie.
2008 MOVIE "CLOVERFIELD"
Another retarded movie about a giant monster that destroys New York City. Probably great in concept, however much of the film follows a bunch of twnety-somethings intent on saving some chick one of the dudes boned.
THIS QUOTE FROM MY INTERVIEW TECHNIQUES CLASS THAT SUMS UP MY COLLEGE EXPERIENCE QUITE WELL
"Don't try to be too intellectual when asking questions. Yes, this is college, but it's also a journalism class."
2008 MOVIE "PERSEPOLIS"
A finally great French animated film based on a graphic novel by the same name. Nothing particularly moving about the story, although it was interesting enough the whole way through because the art was strangely alluring.
2008 MOVIE "RAMBO"
Excellent. Just the bomb. Great action, lots of explosions and heightening. Sylvester Stallone is the worst actor ever.
JOSIP NOVAKOVICH, CROATION WRITER ON LINGUISTICS
"English words to me are goat turds... despite the stink, I sniff in them the freedom to be away from Croatia and Yugoslavia."
FIRST BATCH OF NEW GAMES: THE SUCKS AND THE NOT SUCKS
StarFox Command: The sucks.
Sega Bass Fishing: The not sucks ironically.
House of the Dead 2 + 3 Returns: The not sucks unironically.
Kirby Squeak Squad: The not sucks
Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games DS: The sucks.
Super Smash Brothers Brawl: The sucks ironically.
Octomania: The greatest game.
NO MORE HEROES FOR THE WII: THE SECOND GREATEST GAME
An excellent action game by Suda 51, the only man who knows how to make them right anymore. In an artsy world inspired by Alejandro Jodorowski's El Topo, NMH follows Travis Touchdown, a kid who orders a light sword in the mail and decides to kill a bunch of dudes in order to be the top assassin. To quote Dave, Suda 51 games aren't great games, but they are awesome games.
2008 MOVIE "STREET KINGS"
Keanu Reeves's idiocy is suffuciently blithering.
2008 MOVIE "DOOMSDAY"
The doomiest thing about this film is that I actually sat there and watched on as the greatest genre of all time, dystopian post-apocalypse, is shattered in a string of Audi commercials. Fuck you, whoever directed this.
2008 MOVIE "SUPERHERO MOVIE"
Actually got one laugh out of me. Exactly one.
2008 MOVIE "IRON MAN"
Watch for an hour as Tony Stark builds a super robot suit and then has it destroyed in an anti-climactic scene, and then spend another hour as he does the same exact thing. But it's the best movie ever, am I right?
SECOND BATCH OF NEW GAMES: THE BLARGH AND THE NOT BLARGH
Mario Kart Wii: The blargh.
Boom Blox: The multiplayer not blargh.
Zack & Wiki: The anime not blargh.
Soulcalibur Legends: The super blargh.
Dragon Blade Wrath of Fire: The tears-of-blood blargh.
Samba De Amigo: The not blargh ironically.
Wii Music: The not blargh unironically.
Sonic Unleashed: The greatest game.
2008 MOVIE "SPEED RACER"
Eye candy with a feel good ending and a cartoony presentation. At times pays nice homage to the original anime, other times it pinches a loaf on it, but it's all forgivable. Probably my favorite movie I saw in theaters this year. How sad.
2008 MOVIE "SON OF RAMBO"
I don't remember this film much, but I wrote "cute" next to the ticket so I'm assuming I liked it.
2008 MOVIE "Indiana Jones and th whatever the fuck this movie is called"
Aliens controlled everything and there's a shitty UFO sequence at the end of the film, it was like a punchline to a cruel joke.
2008 MOVIE "THE HAPPENING"
It happened to suck.
2007 MOVIE "LIKE A DRAGON"
A movie based on the unpopular Yakuza games, directed by Takashi Miike. And it really ruled. Really.
THE UNTIMELY DEATH OF THE BEAUTIFUL TRUCK
An unfortunate accident spelled the end of the reign of the Beautiful Truck, the only woman I've ever loved. The five-speed 1990 Ford Ranger will truly be missed. It has been replaced by SUV the Suburban Ussault Vehicle, which isn't nearly as cool, but at least it has a few features the Beautiful Truck didn't. For instance, I can roll the windows up and down, I have heat, I have a CD player, I can tell how much gas is left in the tank, the emergency brake works, the speaker system works, and it generally isn't a huge pile of metal crap on wheels.
2008 MOVIE "WALL-E"
It was good, I guess.
2008 MOVIE "WANTED"
"Action cheese, but I liked it." That's what I wrote. Looking back, it probably sucked, I don't know. I don't even remember what it was about. Didn't they curve bullets or something? Did I really go to see this?
2008 MOVIE "DEATH RACE"
Paul W.S. Anderson's disasterous remake of the god-damn-incredible movie from the 70's, which starred Stallone when he was still unironically good.
1975 MOVIE "DEATH RACE 2000"
Please just watch this instead, I'm serious.
THIRD BATCH OF NEW GAMES: THE WHARF AND THE NOT WHARF
Sega Superstars Tennis Wii: Not wharf.
Sega Superstars Tennis DS: Not wharf.
Space Invaders Extreme: Not wharf.
Arkanoid DS: Not wharf.
Pokemon Pearl: ???
Bangai-O Spirits: Not wharf.
Kirby Super Star Ultra: Not wharf.
Sonic Chronicles: Not wharf.
Legend of Kage 2: Not wharf.
Exit DS: The greatest game.
CHRONO TRIGGER FOR THE DS: THE SECOND GREATEST GAME
A remake of the SNES classic RPG by Squaresoft, right before they started being terrible. It furthered that crazy half-real-time-but-not-really fighting system that stays consistently fun. And it predates the angsty animeness of their future games. It was honestly made right when they games started being good and right before their games started being terrible. The DS port is good enough.
In hindsight, this isn't even the tip of the iceberg. So, I'm relabeling this "part 1" and I promise a "part 2" forthcoming, although I anticipate this to go up to "part 20" at this rate. In the next installment I'll talk about the other movies I saw this year that didn't suck (most of which didn't come out this year), more of the books I've read, and further on the list of games and random pop culture things from my book. Maybe I'll even make a list! Who knew so many stupid things could happen in just one year!
1 comment:
we blogged on the same day. i misses you already.
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